illustration is art

Not A Lady

Not A Lady

When she is not slaughtering the hapless denizens of Wonderland, Alice enjoys frequenting sleazy waterfront ale houses. There she likes to see how many nasty seamen and dock workers she can incapacitate before the constabulary arrive.

When the constabulary do finally arrive she puts on her best ‘young lady’ voice and claims to have been abducted by these brutes who then fell to fighting among themselves over her and she was ‘ever so frightened’ and ‘so pleased to see the constables, and could they ¬†please take her home, now?’ Which they always do, these staunch men so astonished at this battered young lady putting on such a brave front and still speaking with perfect diction and impeccable manners. The officers never once suspect that this slight young woman has just killed and maimed dozens of hardened thugs and ne’er-do-wells.

The constables, many of whom have daughters of their own, though none as cultured and demure as the delightful Lady Alice, are so outraged by the actions of these low scum, that they usually quietly beat the survivors to death; so they never learn the astonishing truth about young Alice.

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